we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The power of my boobs compel you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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