I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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