I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
