i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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