Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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