I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
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I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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