I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
