I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
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Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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