I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
