ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
