I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
