dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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