oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
