Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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