Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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