I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
