Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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