after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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