she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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