Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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