garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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