We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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