You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
