I seem to have left my pride at pride
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
