dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
