No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This toilet bowl is my home.
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