I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
