do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
