Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
