you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
