turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
