the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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