he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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