were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
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Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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