yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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