He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
