Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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