Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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