I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
