i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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