College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
