Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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