oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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