Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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