when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
where are my eyebrows?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
