so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
