Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
