I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize