So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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