everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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