Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
