sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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