I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize