she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
