so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
