ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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