Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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