Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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