just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
