Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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