so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
