I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
