Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
