discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
