this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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