the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
