She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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