Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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