I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
