I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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