Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
