some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
