Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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