Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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