i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
