the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Randomize
