the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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