Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
