I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
