See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
