I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
