Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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