i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
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I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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