did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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