I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
