Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Randomize
