he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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