i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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